The TOED - Trial of Eight Days

Nicknamed the Trial of Eight Days because this would be the longest we have spent together so far, it really totalled almost nine days from the afternoon of Friday 8th May to lunchtime on Sunday 17th. I don't think either of us were at all worried, but it was going to be interesting to see how we got on in the more domestic setting of Clacheranmor for a few days. We had also planned a few things that would potentially test us both on our nerves, patience, endurance, honesty and humour. Bring it on!

Immediately after my break to North Wales with Mandy I returned to Leamington, slept over at Charlotte and Hugo's and then set off early the next morning for Sarah, Martin and kids in Devon. A short visit of just 24 hours, but so good to see them all. The kids are growing up so quickly and have so much energy and excitement. I went with Sarah to collect them from school and got hugs all round, despite it being a year since I'd seen them, which was lovely. What followed was exuberant chaos of gymnastic routines, board games (I lost at chess to a seven year old - although there were some creative moves going on!), a dip in the sea at the local beach, toasting marshmallows, bedtime stories and early morning wake up call and lots of funny stories. School drop off and goodbye hugs followed by a couple of hours of adult catch up and I was back on my way north, via Bristol services to collect H. As he was coming back to Scotland with me in the car but flying home he got his Dad to drop him off, and so I was really pleased I got to meet him, albeit briefly - a sweet man!

Whilst Charlotte and Hugo wouldn't have minded us staying over, they had a party on that night so we decided to stay elsewhere. And I felt it wasn't fair to put H through that level of pressure for the first meeting with the girls - he said he wasn't nervous, but from first meeting me and Mandy, I knew he would be by the morning of the meeting. H had jokingly asked what the poshest hotel in Leamington is, to which the obvious answer is - Mallory Court... so we stayed there! We enjoyed an impeccably provided breakfast and drinks in the lounge, plus an hour in the spa pool and sauna too.

Friday night I introduced him to Japanese food at Hyashi and, having said he couldn't use chopsticks he nailed it in about 30 seconds - still went for the fork for mains though. This was just one of many firsts experienced this week, and I love the fact that we are both getting to do new things even at our age.

Saturday was the big day - time to introduce H to the girls and boys. We met them at Steamhouse for brunch at 10.30am and H was nervous. But, the kids were all on good form - happy, positive, friendly and chatty - they did me proud. When H told them we were going camping later in the week it raised some eyebrows. Brunch was very nice and by the end of it everyone was chilled and relaxed. We headed over to Amber's for a co-op board game and I think we managed to hold our own even though we lost. It was a good choice as we were playing as one big team although there was plenty of banter and teasing. H had brought the girls some plants he'd grown for them to share out, and they were happy with the strawberries and other bedding plants - a thoughtful gift and nothing extravagant - a perfect balance. Then, Amber and Mat had organized a date night so we left them to their cooking and went back to Charlotte's for dinner and drinks and ended up staying for a pub-style quiz, which we all did abysmally on, and Charlotte's fun questions for H on films, books, music and more. It was a really brilliant day - long and tiring, but enjoyable, and the first meeting is now done. Both girls accepted a hug from H as we left and I take that as a really good sign. I'm so happy!

Sunday we headed out to Chesterton for a short walk to see the beautiful windmill and then on to the Harbury milkshed to buy a litre of milk as another thing for H to try as a first. Then the long drive home via a stop for an airbed and a weekly food shop. We got back at about 8pm to some very needy cats, a well earned (and needed) rest, and a first meal that I had cooked for us - now I felt like I had something to prove, but also I was learning what H does and doesn't like so I know what to cook next time (should I get another chance...)

We didn't do a lot Monday as I was working in the afternoon, and H was also working remotely, being available for calls all day and keeping on top of his emails. We set the tent up in the garage and inflated the airbed, then had fun trying to get the airbed inside the tent. A test in working together which we passed with flying colours and a lot of laughing - neither of us could straighten our legs out once inside! Late Monday afternoon I got a text at work asking if he could borrow a bike. Next thing, I get another message saying he had ridden the 12 miles, and the huge hills, over to Tighnabruaich and without enough battery power to get home, and to find him at the pub at the end of my shift. A first for me - a drink in the Tighnabruaich Hotel bar, and a fun chat with a couple of locals. I found it amusing when they asked how long we had been married - I guess we must look very at ease in each other's company, which is a definite positive. We dropped the bike in the boot and drove home to light the fire pit so we could barbecue some steaks to go with the dauphinoise I cooked and some salad. We spent the rest of the evening sat by the fire pit, chatting, eventually having to grab a blanket and cwtch up as it got dark and cold.

Tuesday morning we started the day with breakfast in the sunshine on the bench outside, and stayed out enjoying the heat of the day and chatting in between H's work calls, followed by lunch al fresco as well. I headed off to work and when I got home H had chopped down all my chunky fire wood and neatly re-stacked it and removed a couple of damp, rotting pieces. We got changed and picked Heather and Dave up to go for dinner at Kames Hotel for a fun evening allowing me to introduce H to my wonderful neighbours and friends. Heather is also Welsh so that made for a great dynamic... and she had two glasses of wine and the REAL, wild, hilarious Heather was out there!

For anyone who may be thinking at this point that H sounds just too good to be true - here he is enjoying the view out towards Crinan at the end of our day on Wednesday.

Wednesday morning we had a lazy get up and then went out for a day to tick a couple of things off my list of places to explore over Inveraray way. We called in at Fyne Ales on the way to try a couple of half pints and buy a few bottles, then had a wander round Inveraray and a good lunch in The George. A few miles down the road was Auchindrain Historic Township, which had been on my list of places to visit for quite a while. It was an interesting place - really basic living and still inhabited into the 1960's. An idyllic location but tough conditions. Next was a stop off at Adam and Emma's to integrate H a little more into my life, but also to drop off some mail I had for them and have a catch up. We sat out in the sun again and had a good chat - Adam is also Welsh and he, Emma and H were familiar with all the same places as they had grown up fairly locally to each other. At about 6pm we set off for Knapdale beaver sanctuary. Beavers have been reintroduced here and they usually come out at dusk, so I was hopeful we might spot some as we walked round the tiny loch. We wandered along the bank and then continued up to the viewpoint recommended by Adam and Emma. An uphill walk, but well worth it because at the end was a lovely view over towards Jura - beautiful. Heading back down we scoured the loch again but there was nothing to be spotted this time round.

Thursday morning we packed up the car ready for camping. We had decided on camping because there were no bothies near the walk H wanted to do, and hotels were few and very expensive, so I suggested taking my two man tent and seeing if we enjoyed a night of snuggling up in a tiny space and everything that came with it - it could be fun... On the way we stopped off at a little spot where I wanted to dip. It was a beautiful little waterfall with a good, deep pool below and we got our bathers on. I waded in and got myself submerged - it was cold but wonderful. H got in to mid-thigh before deciding it was too much and retreating to take a photo of proof for me. After getting dry and dressed and going to check out the view from the top of the waterfall, we returned to the car to find a couple having some wedding photos taken - he in full great kilt, she in wedding dress and trainers, with the mountain in the background - what a spot! Dip done we headed on to the campsite and got the tent set up. We were very pleased to see pillows to rent for £3 each as that was something we had forgotten to pack - what a lifesaver!

We had a good dinner at the pub followed by some great live music and talking to a drunk, deaf local called Nick. Again, the question of how long we've been married - what is going on?! Back in the tent we were finding everything very funny and impossible to stay quiet despite being past the 10pm noise curfew. Eventually H fell asleep and I was a bit cold and kept needing a wee!

We woke up relatively late at 7.30am, packed away the tent and went to climb to the Hidden Glen. This was the walk H wanted to do, but even though I'd read the walk instructions out to him describing the 350m elevation and scrambling required he was surprsied by how steep and long the climb was - I think he’d just pictured something different. This was the thing on the itinerary I was most worried about - would I have the energy to reach the top, and would my knee behave itself? It was so beautiful though and we were climbing the whole way alongside a stunning series of waterfalls. The challenge of the narrow, rocky sections that required hands, and sometimes knees, made it interesting. After about an hour the ground levels out into a beautiful flat glen with a dry riverbed in the bottom. There were a few people there and some had camped there overnight. There was snow on the very tops of the peaks around us and a flurry of flakes while we sat there drinking in our surroundings and resting our legs.

On the way back down I threw myself into one of the inviting little pools (in my t-shirt and pants as I hadn't known the option was going to be available). It was extremely cold but as I was hot from the exertion of the walk the water was calling out to me and I just couldn't resist a 2 minute dunk in the freezing water!

Fort William was our next stop so we drove there and checked out the highstreet whilst we waited for check in time. We found tea and cake in a nice place, which turned out to be posher than we expected, a museum with a section on the commandos that trained nearby during the war and a really nice dinner in a family owned restaurant where we shared a tablet and shortcake ice cream sundae for dessert. Live music in a pub by the name of Wee Cal, who played all sizes of pipes and whistles, was excellent while we planned a potential future cruise round the coast of Norway maybe in November - something to look forward to and so exciting to be planning ahead together.

We drove back home via Oban, stopping for a milkshake, hot chocolate and cake at Oban Chocolates and a walk round the seafront. We admired a stunning tall-ship and listened to the obligatory bagpiper who was busking.

I made us another dinner and tried to convince H that pears are nice when paired with butterscotch sauce. He was not conviced and I made sure he felt OK to tell me honestly - no point me making it again! We snuggled up for the last night and had a really nice, more in depth conversation about where we are, how we think things are going and potential future plans and how it affects us and our loved ones. I love that we can talk easily about things that are important to us because understanding each other and being on the same page will help us both in the longer term. The most important ground rule we established is that I don't start a packet of biscuits without him! And, he agreed I could use a selfie of us both as a background on my phone - not sure why this feels like a big thing, but it's something that I'm really happy about.

On the way back to the airport on Sunday H told me he had left a few clothes behind, along with his coat and toothbrush, deliberately. I got him back to the airport 45 minutes before his flight so there were only a few seconds for goodbye, and he had to rush through security.

Back at home I tidied up and cleaned round and got to thinking, and suddenly the last week felt like a really big event for me. It has been such an amazing week, and it has felt so easy and so relaxed when it could have been awkward or upsetting to either or both of us. H was great - he was thoughtful and understanding and allowed me to feel happy and healed and content, with the house being a space that I can call mine, where I can look forward and live for the future and let go of the things that I need to leave in the past. It just makes me appreciate him all the more, just for being his lovely self.

So I guess he will be coming back and, in the meantime, seeing his toothbrush by the sink makes me weirdly happy!