Third Date Syndrome or Success?

For our third date we decided that a long weekend in Edinburgh would be nice. It was my turn to book something so I went for the Hoxton - a fairly expensive, trendy and comfortable looking place about a mile from the castle, hoping it was on a quiet side street so we had a relaxing place to get away from the noise of the city in the evenings - we are both country bumpkins at heart and used to rural tranquility.

Things seem to be going really well, but over the last two and a half weeks, if I'm honest, I've actually found one or two days quite difficult - I find I really miss H in between visits in a way I wasn't expecting. I've enthusiastically told everyone how happy I am, and everyone has been really (kindly) pleased for me. But it has thrown up a couple of interesting comments. For example, one friend mentioned 'third date syndrome'. I had never heard of it so I did a quick Google and found this:

Psychological Factors and Trends

The "Decision Point": The third date is generally when individuals decide if a person has long-term potential, often involving conversations about values and future plans.

Attachment Shift: This stage often marks the transition from casual dating to higher emotional investment, sometimes leading to anxiety if the partner's intentions are unclear.

Intimacy: In many scenarios, this is the point where couples discuss or begin physical intimacy, which can change the dynamic of the relationship.

Authenticity Check: It is a time for authenticity, sharing vulnerabilities, and assessing if the partner can be trusted with more personal aspects of one's life.

Common Outcomes

Deepened Connection: A successful third date often leads to exclusive, deeper relationships.

The "Cool-Off": If the connection is forced or not genuine, one partner may disengage, leading to lost interest or "ghosting".

Social Verification: People often use this time to introduce partners to friends or see if they align with their social circle.

I shared this with H and we decided we are already past most of this because our 'dates' have been more than dates, with the first two lasting three and four days. We have already had the deeper discussions about our histories, some of our more vulnerable subjects, values, current situations and feelings, and other more personal subjects. But the last point about 'social verification' is very timely as we had been discussing that earlier that very day. Obviously I've told everyone who will listen that I'm dating again, and remaining optimistic and hopeful whilst trying to manage my own, and other peoples', expectations and not get carried away. H, on the other hand, has told only his dad. I'm actually fine with this as it makes it easier for me - what with me being the introvert who struggles to meet strangers!

I find this sort of stuff really interesting though, and it threw up another question. Not that anyone else will change the way I feel about H, but why do people tend towards the negative when discussing new relationships? So I Googled that too:

Common reasons include the brain's natural negativity bias (which prioritizes threats over positive info), projection of their own insecurities, past hurts, or unhappiness onto others, envy, and because they care about you and don't want to see you get hurt. Hmmm... Whatever it is - here is how the third date turned out!

Thursday morning I was up early and heading over to Glasgow airport to pick H up at 9am, where he lifted me off my feet in a hug and then handed me flowers again (beautiful gerberas and roses), and then we headed over to Edinburgh for a few days.

The hotel was stylish with friendly staff and the room was small but cosy...and far too hot! We quickly worked out we would need the window open 24/7. We had to leave the car in a car park 10 minutes away, but we didn't need it for the next few days. We walked back to the hotel via a nice little coffee shop and Armchair Books, where I picked up a lovely copy of Moby Dick (or rather H insisted on getting it for me) - it's been on my reading list for a long time. Back at the hotel we checked in, found our room, dropped our bags and flopped down for a cwtch - Welsh for cuddle. I nestled into H's armpit and got comfy, head on his chest, and after 10 minutes I could tell he was nodding off - he had been up very early for his flight! I think the afternoon snooze is the peak of domestic intimacy. Being able to drift off in someone’s arms is a massive green flag. I kept thinking how amazing it is to be able to say that we feel comfortable enough with each other that we can do that - what an incredible thing! There is a specific kind of magic in it. It’s not the heavy, unconscious slumber of 3:00am; it’s lighter, softer - it feels like a stolen moment - you’ve simply paused the world together. There’s a profound sense of safety in that shared stillness, wrapped in the steady rhythm of a heartbeat, the weight of their arm over your shoulder, and the realization that you can find total peace in the presence of another. All is right with the world again in these moments and I can't get enough of it!

We were woken by a knock on the door, a call of 'maintenance' and then someone trying the handle! I answered the door to a man with a ladder, who it turned out had got the wrong room! Anyway, we had tickets for the Cracking New Jokes Show at Dragonfly Cocktail Bar so we needed to get going. We stopped at a little steak place for food on the way, realized we were late and got an Uber to take us the rest of the way for fear of ending up on the front row! It was a really nice bar with a little room at the back for 40 people to watch the show. Tickets were only a fiver each as this was a chance for comedians to try new material out on the audience. We got our cocktails and found a seat towards the back. No sooner had the compère come in than he starting asking everyone in the audience about themselves - where are you from, how did you meet, what do you do. Oh dear...! There were five acts with a couple of breaks to top up our drinks and for the compère to talk to more people. So during the first break, as we were stood at the bar, I asked H what we should say if we were questioned. He isn't keen on admitting we met online. Before he had chance to offer a solution the other Welsh girl in the audience said 'So how did you meet?' Dodging the question we chatted for a few minutes as she extracted information about where we were from and H joked that it was a cardinal sin for him, a Welsh guy, to 'be with an English girl' (whilst standing with his arm round my waist)! The five comedians were a range of styles and had a variety of success, but there were plenty of good gags to entertain us all. And we managed to escaped the spotlight. We wandered back in the cool night air and then struggled to sleep on substanceless pillows - another thing we apparently have in common!

On Friday we headed back over to the castle, having booked tickets in advance to make sure we got in. It is a huge place once you're inside, and packed with exhibitions and information, plus the great views from the walls too. A fascinating place to explore, with the beautiful Scottish National War Memorial and the crown jewels (Honours of Scotland) on display! The Honours of Scotland are the oldest surviving regalia in the British Isles, dating from the 15th and 16th centuries, and includes the Crown of Scotland, the Sceptre, and the Sword of State - very impressive.

St Giles' Cathedral was just a few minutes walk away so we popped in there to admire the stained glass windows and intricately carved woodwork. Located at the south-east corner of the church, the Thistle Chapel is the chapel of the Most Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Thistle - an order of chivalry associated with Scotland. It was founded in 1687 by King James VII of Scotland and consists of the sovereign and sixteen knights and ladies, as well as certain "extra" knights (members of the British royal family and foreign monarchs). The order did not have a Chapel until 1911, when one was added onto St Giles High Kirk. Every two years, during the sovereign's visit to Holyrood, a service for the order is held in the chapel. Knights and Ladies of the Thistle rank above all others of knightly rank except the Order of the Garter. Each member of the order, including the sovereign, is allotted a stall in the chapel, above which his or her heraldic devices are displayed. Perched on the pinnacle of a knight's stall is his helm, decorated with mantling and topped by his crest. My favourite of all the carvings was a little oyster catcher, complete with bright orange beak.

We got changed into something smarter and went to try out Whistlebinkies - advertised as a honky tonk bar with country music, it was false advertising! It had vague country decor but the live music that evening was ska - somewhere down the bottom of the list of music I enjoy! So, when we couldn't stand it anymore we went round the corner to Westside Rodeo instead, and had a brilliant evening. There was a guy with a guitar singing a good mix of classic country and new songs in a country style, informally accompanied by a group of very drunk men on a stag do whose clapping timing was way off, matched by their tone-deafness but absolutely overshadowed by their enthusiasm! Next thing I know H is telling a woman that we're married to make totally sure she isn't chatting him up - I didn't mind in the slightest...

On Saturday we decided to walk up Calton hill. It was a short and easy climb for plenty of reward - a great 360° view back to the castle and over the docks and towards Arthur's seat. There are a few little follies at the top of the hill including the Nelson monument tower with a 'time ball' at the top. The tower was built in 1807 to commemorate Nelson's victory over the French and Spanish fleets at the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805, and his own death at the same battle. In 1852 a mechanized time ball was added, as a time signal to shipping in Leith harbour, which allowed the ships to set their chronometers. The time ball is raised just before 1pm, and at 1pm it is dropped again. It is synchronized with the One O'Clock Gun firing from Edinburgh Castle which was introduced to help when it was foggy and the ball could not be seen.

On the way back down we headed for old Calton cemetery which we could see from the top of the hill. Very neglected but, with lots of old mausoleums, it is quite beautiful in it's decay.

Heading back towards the centre we sat down to enjoy the sunshine and view over the park and castle and to rest our feet, and encountered a pro-Palestine protest with a small crowd and police presence.

The one non-negotiable thing I wanted to do was see the Monarch of the Glen in the National Gallery. We looked round the ground floor at a variety of paintings ranging from impressive to decidedly dodgy, and then made our way downstairs to find the one I wanted to see. It's spectacular - truly majestic in its subject, pose, beauty and atmosphere. I could take or leave the Mona Lisa, but the Monarch of the Glen is spellbinding!

We had a bit of a wander along a backstreet full of cafes, pubs and little shops and had a couple of drinks in the sun, then another in a little place with a juke box which felt like a place for locals. There was a good range of songs picked on the juke box, a cold fruity cider and a Guinness, and some questionable dancing going on. We were chatting away when all of sudden the worst possible song choice for me came on - If I Should Fall Behind by Bruce Springsteen. You will all know from a previous post video what this means to me. What a completely left-field option for anyone to choose! I panicked and grabbed hold of H and shut my eyes, head against his chest and focused hard on the misguided endurance cycling story he was telling me. I don't think he noticed - or at least he didn't ask, and I doubt he knows the relevance of the song (unless he has really trawled my Insta!) Bless him, he was perfect in that moment and probably without even realizing.

We decided to head back and watch a movie for the evening, so we chose one that H had recommended - Stand by Me. A nice, quiet evening snuggling and watching a good film is a great way to pass a couple of hours after a busy day.

After a very lazy breakfast on Sunday morning we checked out and returned to collect the car from the car park and £113 later we set off for the Botanical gardens. Having not managed to get to the gardens for the Christmas light show (see previous blog post), this time we enojyed a stunning spring display. Being on the East coast everything was out earlier than in the Glen, and the fresh buds on the trees, the bulbs and flowers bursting everywhere meant there was so much to see. A highlight for me, along with listening to H talk about horticulture, was the alpine section - who knew there was so much intricate variety in tiny alpine plants. It was so nice to wander round the garden in the sunshine, hand in hand, enjoying something we both appreciate. The garden was bigger than we expected, free to enter and even included a little art exhibition in one of the buildings. Sadly the big glasshouse was closed for renovation.

We headed to Morningside, stopping for lunch at a Thai lounge bar - unusual concept, where all the songs on the stereo sounded exactly like The Girl From Ipanema, and there seemed to be only one lady working there who kept disappearing for 15 minutes followed by something appearing in the dumbwaiter. We decided she was popping downstairs to cook and wash-up before returning upstairs to be waitress and work the bar. It was a decent meal.

Finally, a random addition seeing as I love random things - the Wild West. It is a tiny lane in Morningside that was decorated with American West–style façades as an advertisement for a local furniture company. It has since fallen into disrepair, but is still a surprising sight in the middle of a Scottish suburb. The façades were the idea of Michael Faulkner, who had worked as a cowboy in North America before injuring his back in a fall from a horse. He moved to Edinburgh and established Pine Country, a furniture store in the lane. Faulkner expanded into a second store on the site, The Great American Indoors, selling Santa Fe–style furniture. In the early 1990s he decided to erect Western-style façades on the lane as a promotional tool for the store and to remind him of his time in North America. The works were constructed by two engineers who had worked on similar structures at Disneyland Paris. The store closed and Faulkner went bankrupt following the opening of an Ikea store in Edinburgh in 1999.

We drove back to Glasgow, stopping for the last few hours at the Wetherspoons in Paisley until it was time for H to head through check in at the airport.

So, I think we have made it through the third date without any problems! Next meet up will be mid-May when we embark on what H has nicknamed the Trial of Seven Days - a week in Scotland, with a few days spent in the Glen and perhaps a short trip to Glencoe for a couple of nights of walking, exploring and enjoying the amazing scenery. Where will we go from here? Will H tell anyone else that I exist? Turns out he has had a slight change of heart since getting home and posted some teasing photos on Instagram - although he has not gone all out and posted our selfie it is clear there is a mystery person on the trip! I think this will be how I know when I've finally made it! For now, I'm happy to occupy a quiet place in his life without the complication of other people who may change the dynamics of what we've got going.