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Dun Na Cuaiche Watchtower sits above Inveraray castle on a hill overlooking Loch Fyne. I had driven past it so many times and, over New Year, I finally decided to do the walk up there. It was a cold but clear day as I set off with my packed lunch in a rucksack and plenty of layers on. It begins with a walk skirting beautiful Inveraray Castle, across Frew's bridge and into the woods. The view of the watchtower from Frew's bridge was the last time I could see the tower until I crested the hill about 20 feet away from it over an hour later. The walk is lovely, although steep at times, with ice on the path in places. I passed an ancient lime kiln in the woods and paused there to catch my breath. I also perched on a boulder in the sunshine to eat a sandwich along the way. As I neared the top there was a flurry of snow as winter tried to exert its dominance, but not enough to do any lasting damage.

At the top I sat on a bench and ate another sandwich and satsuma while I drank in the gorgeous views, the spotlights of sunshine on the loch and the way the low wisps of cloud looked like smoke above Inveraray. The wind was bitter and after 15 minutes I was chilled through and ready to set off back down again. The walk was busy with everyone trying to burn off Christmas calories, so there wasn't much time where I was completely alone, and in a way that was nice. I really enjoyed this stunning walk but my legs were ready for a rest by the time I got back to the car!

After my last blog post I got a lovely message from a friend in the Glen, Rowena, inviting me to join her at the Alpha course. I decided to go for it as I've never done it before, and when John died I felt my already tenuous faith slip away. It was a strange thing: having grown up in the Catholic faith, and continued to go to church with John all my adult life in the Church of England, it was part of my identity. I have always tried to live by Christian values, despite never being confident in the promise of our heavenly reward.

The first evening was a nice experience - we all chatted over shared a Burn's night meal of haggis, neeps and tatties followed by a short video and then group discussions on why we were there and exploring what more there is to life than 'this'. Rowena was quite inspiring - as she explained how she felt the Lord communicate with her age 14 and tears were in her eyes with the emotion of the certainty of her experience. I miss being part of a church family, like the family of St James (our old church), and perhaps the Alpha course will reignite at least a little of my belief in there being something more awaiting us - something better - somewhere where I'll find John waiting for me one day.

I also attended a poetry meet at Book Point in Dunoon. Luckily it is a Tuesday night so I can just about get there in time after work. I will have to rearrange book club to make sure it doesn't clash going forwards though. It was a small group of eight of us and we (not me this first time) took it in turns to read one of our own poems and then one by a more reknowned poet. They were all on a theme of winter and there were some lovely poems. And, some really beautiful poems. Maybe next time, once I've had time to prepare, I will be braver and read one of mine.

One of my favourite poems from the evening was this one:

The Dipper - By Kathleen Jamie

It was winter, near freezing,

I’d walked through a forest of firs

when I saw issue out of the waterfall

a solitary bird.

It lit on a damp rock,

and, as water swept stupidly on,

wrung from its own throat

supple, undammable song.

It isn’t mine to give.

I can’t coax this bird to my hand

that knows the depth of the river

yet sings of it on land.